I began as a young “pup” producer; started in my mid-20’s.  I was young, naïve, desperate for a mentor and looking to have my own identity again after becoming a single mother at 23.

I was recruited by a confident, attractive, 40-something blonde who drove a white Lexus who made promises about making a lot of money as an insurance producer. Over a 6 week interview period, I finally accepted a position as a commercial insurance agent.  This agency partner, a well-educated, intelligent woman, told me, “you can make a lot of money in the insurance business if you work hard.”  She continued to talk about driving a great car, wearing nice clothes, living wherever I wanted, and doing well in life.  And even after all this time, I can remember hearing her tell me that she would put me, “…on the fast track . . . because we can teach you insurance but you have something we can’t teach.”

It was 20 years this year that I had that conversation.  It seems like a lifetime ago yet I see something similar being played out by the many producers and agency owners I’ve worked with since starting my little coaching firm in 2003.

Looking back I’d like to share a few little things I have learned and some of the things I continue to see.

Mentors come in all ways unexpected

When I was young, I longed for a special mentor.  I wanted someone to take me under their wing.  There is an old saying, “A wise person learns from the experience of others.” And I was eager to have that special person in my life.

In the meantime, I kept working, working more, working hard, and learning some life lessons along the way.  And I made a lot of mistakes.  I let people take advantage of me; I didn’t qualify opportunities as well as I could have.  I came across as the nice person who would do right by folks and thought that would be enough.    

Don’t take me wrong, I’m still much of that selfsame person today, endeavoring to be the kind of person who aspires to do right by people.  And I think that still rocks compared to being bitter, angry, and a victim to life’s hard knocks.  However, I learned to be wiser in business, to watch who I associate with, and to learn from others in different ways than I anticipated.

Truth is, mentors have come in ways I did not expect and everyone has something to teach us as we walk our own path.  Here are some lessons from my experience that I would like to share.    

#1.  Stop living the lie.  SELL SELL SELL is not a strategy.  We’ve been told that sales is all about the relationships, but we fall into the old pattern and make it all about the numbers.  For example, you’ve heard, if you call 100 clients, you’ll have 10 appointments, and from 10 appointments, 2 or 3 sales.  Although you may think it’s crummy and takes longer than you wish it would, getting to know people for who they are will get you further than anything else in business and life. Work on really getting to know people you have as clients (and even prospects) as though you would know how they want their steak cooked at the BBQ this weekend!

#2. Take inventory.  Determine who you are vs. who you say you are.   Need a nudge?  Well, who are you under pressure?  Who are you when you’re stressed?  Are you short with people, curt, demeaning of others?  Do you turn into a psycho hyper drive freakazoid out of need for control or do you just sit back and camp out?  THAT is who you really are.    

#3.  Learn to really listen.  I’m not talking Sales 101.  I’m talking really learning to hear and hone in on what is happening to the other.  Body language, tone of voice, hearing what is not being said, all of that.  Since statistics tell us 95% of the time we’re thinking of ourselves, I would say we’ve all got some work to do! Want to know more?  Ask people around you to leave feedback at your desk; get a shoebox and cut a hole in the top; tape the lid shut.  Have them tell you 1 thing you do well and 2 that you need to work on. Take that feedback to heart and work on it.  If 1 person says you’re a jerk, take a look; but if 15 people say it, you may want to take a humility pill!  Getting honest love in this way doesn’t mean you’re a loser, it means people care enough about you by offering feedback to see you succeed.

#4.  Be the person that ALWAYS does what you say.  One of my big life lessons came when I chose to embark on this journey of keeping my promises.  All the time.  It became this thing that I obsessed about, talked with people about, and began to train and teach on.  I don’t care who you are, or who you say you are, how educated you are or how educated you’re not, this one thing defines a person’s character more than anything else.   A person who can stand despite adversity, despite excuses, despite the circumstances is someone I would want with me on the front lines.

#5 Everyone is on their own journey.   It’s tough, I know.  Someone doesn’t show up and do what they say they will do.  Someone else treats you poorly.  Someone else walks around like they’re mad at the world (and maybe they are, or maybe they just had bad Chinese).  Point is, not everything is about you; everyone is on a path and for whatever reason, they are moving along their path the way they think they should.  I’ve learned universal truth in sayings like:  the seed you plant is the crop you get; what goes around comes around; everything works out for a reason.  I still get frustrated, but I keep repeating “Everyone is on their own journey” when that happens.  It gives me a chance to breathe, have grace, and go again.

#6.  People are not objects.  Yeah yeah, I know you know that, but sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder.  I am referring to the power and leverage by living in authentic relationships with people; to stand out from the crowd, and to risk not having all the answers.  I have found that the old “looks good sounds good” is so 1995.  We buy into the story that it’s about selling something when it really is about giving and receiving, putting out what you want in return, and not having hidden agendas.  Because guess what?  When you have hidden agendas, people get it.  They may not exactly know what ‘it’ is, but they will get some weird vibe and not want to draw close to you anyway.

There’s no fake it ‘til you make it here.  When I refer to relationships, I mean where people in your life get that you genuinely care about what their concerns are; about their business ~ not yours.  People are not stupid; if you are there to talk about what you do, they assume you are looking to work with them.  Get rid of the old scripts.

#7.  Be PRESENT for cryin’ out loud!  Are constantly you on your phone, frantic to make sure you are on top of everything?  Do you recognize that you are so strung out with the daily tasks that you can’t possibly accomplish?  I get it.  Let me just say this:  if you’re in front of someone, or they are talking, please actually care enough to be mentally engaged.  Pay attention, because if you’re 35 and act like you have half-heimers because you were too distracted to be present, it really makes you look bad!  I was recently asked to speak at a state convention, and went up to one of the board members to thank him for having me attend.  – you can’t making this stuff up – while thanking him he took his eyes off me, looked down at his phone and I witnessed it – had some kind of mental out-of-body experience right before my eyes!  You all know I’m joking here, but it was one of the rudest things ever.  Another?  While at a national convention last month the participants couldn’t stop talking while the national president was at the microphone.  One of the leaders of the conference and I talked about it after, and how incredibly disrespectful it was.  Here’s the truth – we are ALL busy, and we ALL have things going on but think about how it makes you look to be so “out of it” that you can’t focus on the very relationships that will help further or distance your career and reputation.

Ask yourself, “Am I willing to risk everything, my career, and my old conditioning on the possibility that it really is about honest, authentic, above board relationships?”  Come forward, ask if you can talk about the process, ask them to be honest and give you feedback along the way.

You have a choice here.  You can continue to keep doing what you’re doing, build your life the way you always have been, OR you can take a risk and choose to be engaged with the people around you, to hear their concerns, and to use all the knowledge and skill you have attained to help them advance their vision and objectives.

What have I learned?  Well, I suppose that there really is no “fast track” like I had been told.  Instead, while we are working away, loving life, making mistakes and overcoming adversity, that there are mentors in the most unexpected places, both in what to do and in what not to do.  Nonetheless, they become mentors. My track has become to live life with a purpose, to be mindful of how I show up in the world, and to be associated with those that share a common cause of making a difference.  I have a little thing on my wall that shows three circles intersecting.  They are:

• Dream Big
• Get S#it Done
• Know How To Have Fun

The center is: People I Most Enjoy Working With.

I think it’s a good reminder for all of us!

Brandie Hinen is the Founder and CEO of Powerhouse Learning.  Learn more at Powerhouse Learning or email her directly at brandie@PowerhouseLearning.com or 208 316 7656.