First let me say that I have been forced to be more mindful of stress.  It has altered the way I see the world, my mindfulness and my total body awareness - especially as I’ve gotten older.   Let me also mention that I still believe that being “stressed out” is a choice; one which we have the power to control.  Not to control the outside circumstances, but how we choose to react to our own way of relating to those outside circumstances.

That being said, we know that stress is a very big deal.  Weight gain, heart disease, even the depletion of gray matter in the brain has been blamed on stress.

As I was finishing this article on a Delta flight, I picked up Sky Magazine, and what’s one of the featured articles?  You guessed it.  Stress. My big takeaways from the article include:    

       - Exercise can indeed help you worry less, sleep better.               

       - 60-70% of doctor’s visits are stress related, and most are from women.

       - Gratitude matters – those that choose to be thankful feel less stress.

       - Meditation is not for sissys!  (I’ve actually addressed that, below).

I think about my own life, and the determined steps I am taking to help make better choices.

If you know me, you would categorize me as a doer.  I am self-sufficient.  I have a “can do” attitude and can’t afford to let stress get the best of me.  I say, “Either you have IT or IT has you.”   I’m driven to excellence.

However, some of this mentality has caused challenges in my life.

I found I have always been very hard on myself; sometimes too hard.  It started with a never good enough upbringing sprinkled with plenty of doomsday, fearful, “…prepare for the worst” anticipation.  If you can relate, you realize it accompanies you thought your life until you choose to break it.  In fact, I see this a lot in the organizations I work with, and in the negative undertone of cynicism in our industry.

In the early 2000s I was taught a NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) exercise that changed my life forever, and in less than 4 weeks. Indeed, NLP methodology can "model" the skills of exceptional people, then those skills can be acquired by anyone.

Because of my conditioning (call it “beating yourself up” or whatever you’d like), I couldn’t trip over a piece of carpet, drop papers on the ground, or make a mistake without saying terrible things to myself.  “You idiot.”  “What a klutz you are.”  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

In fact, I had been doing it all my life and the stress was hurting my body.  I had overcome of it at an earlier age, breaking the debilitative lower back pain and chronic headaches.  Now it was time to overcome again.     

If you are ready for an “outside the box” approach that works and if you’ll be so kind, I’ll vulnerably share my experience.

The person that taught me this had me close my eyes.  Then see myself as another self; a twin.  Then he had me look at that negative talk “twin” person and thank them for all they have done to help me in my life, thank them for “looking out for me” and giving me what they saw as much needed advice but that now I am going to try it on my own.

Then after thanking them for this and saying, “I got this now.”, I was asked to get in my car and drive away.  And as I drove away, I was to look into the mirror to see that person get smaller and smaller and smaller.

That was it.

The next step was to have a greater consciousness for every time I noticed myself speaking negative talk, and when I noticed, to thank that part of me and get in the car and drive away.

The more I did it, the faster it came.   “I got this.”  Get in the car.  Smaller . . . and smaller . . . and smaller.

That was almost 10 years ago, and it has been a breakthrough exercise I routinely share with others who tell me they struggle with the being so hard on themselves.  It’s a stress that was self-imposed, just like most stress, I suppose.

I have also learned the ability to look at why toxic people say or do the things they do, and I have learned about the power of forgiveness.  It’s not fun, but forgiveness and even start by saying, “I forgive you, you sorry S.O.B.”  You may laugh, but that’s helped me release the anger and eventually just say, “I forgive you for what you did for your own reasons.”

Remember there IS good stress, too, and it’s all in how we choose to relate to what is coming.  This is addressed in Kelly McGonigal’s excellent TEDtalk on How to Make Stress Your Friend.

Today, I subscribe to the science that quieting the mind has greater effects on our stress and information overload than ever before.   I find that when I quiet my mind that there is a creativity and acute mental awareness that would not likely have come any other way. 

If you’re human, you may find those skills helpful, regardless if you’re helping your kids or grandkids with school projects, conflict on the playground, or if you’re in the business of dealing with demanding customers, co-workers and business relationships.

A also highly recommended recent discovery is an individual named Andy Puddicombe.  He’s also got a TED talk titled, All It Takes is 10 Mindful Minutes.

And last but not least, I've discovered a tremendous mobile app with whimsical cartoons called Headspace. There’s a free download, so there’s no risk. It's been called a gym membership for the mind.   

Stress is a part of life; but I choose to call it Adversity instead, because I KNOW adversity reveals character.  When you choose to realize we face over 22 adversities of day, you become more aware of the choices you want to make in order to be more at peace, more creative and more productive in the world.   

Brandie Hinen is the CEO of Powerhouse Learning, a coaching and consulting firm who helps organizations relive their own stress and gain better productivity. Visit Powerhouse Learning or contact Brandie directly at brandie@powerhouselearning.com.